Fighting with husband over sex

I know most Christian women don’t like to talk about sex, but I think it’s important that we do (in an appropriate manner) so that it might be helpful to someone who may be experiencing the same problems.

My husband and I constantly fight over sex.  He wants it too often, and I’d rather sleep!  We are both 29 years old, and we have 3 children.  I’m a stay-at-home mom, so I’m sure there’s someone out there who can relate to this.

I never have had much of a sex drive, so it’s not that I’m not attracted to my husband.   I just feel like it’s another chore, and I hate doing chores!  It seems like I am always wore out when he wants it, and I am desperately trying to figure things out.  I know men need sex, it’s a known fact.  It’s their way of feeling wanted, and secure.  That’s how they express their love.  I don’t know why God made us so different!  I also know that God meant for married people to have sex, and to do so often.  My problem is that I feel like my husband does not go out of his way to do things for me, so why should I go out of my way to “do” him?  I know, I know…. the Bible says we should not deprive each other of ourselves, but how do I actually apply it without feeling resentful?  Any ideas?

I am very thankful that I have a husband that works, but I have a job too, and mine NEVER ends.  Why is it so hard for a man to help watch the kids every now & then?  He seems to think it’s ok for me to haul them everywhere I go, but he can’t even volunteer to take them anywhere with him so I can get a break too.

Of course he uses the excuse that since we aren’t having much sex that I have to take the kids with me because he doesn’t trust me….HMPH!  If I wanted another man I would leave!  I love my husband, and would never do that to him.  Why doesn’t he get it?

On the other hand, I know that men are pretty simple to figure out.. and to please.  If I give him sex I can pretty much do whatever I want.. for about a day…

I am so freakin’ stubborn that it’s NOT funny…  It says alot if I give in to just doing it out of love, and having Faith that my reward will come soon enough.  I just want him to help out around the house a little bit, and to watch the kids so I can have a little “ME” time, even if it’s just to go grocery shopping.  Does anyone out there understand me?  Has anyone ever been through this?  Please help me!

Add a comment April 6, 2009

Convictions

The biggest issue I am having right now is trying to do what God wants me to do.  I try to live right, but when you come from the background I came from it’s REALLY hard.  I was not raised in church, but I did attend the local VBS’s and sometimes Sunday School.  I think it was more of a babysitter type deal than my parents actually caring if I learned anything or not.  I know my Mom always believed in God, but didn’t live right.  My Dad has always been an Atheist for the most part.

My family likes to laugh about how I used to carry a Bible around and tell everyone what they were doing wrong.  About how I would wear long skirts & turtlenecks, even in the Summer.  A preacher told me it was the Holy Spirit working in me even as a child.  Either way, it’s funny how I’ve picked that habit back up again… still driving my family nuts..LOL

When I was a teenager I started to doubt the existance of God, even experimented with Wicca (witchcraft).  It never worked for me, and I just felt pretty silly for believing in it.  I know it can be a serious matter, but for the most part it’s pathetic.

I was Saved shortly after marrying my husband, and have never been the same since!  I don’t remember the date, but I was pregnant with my 2nd child, so it was in 2004.  I was watching a woman preacher on tv by the name of Joyce Meyer.  I had never been impacted by a preacher before, and I was always quick to change the channel when one came on.  There was just something about her that I connected with, and I have been a big fan of hers ever since!  People can say what they want about woman preachers, but I know that she helped lead me to Jesus, and that’s all that matters to me.  I will get into that subject another time.

God is dealing with me in a couple of different ways:

1.  cussing

2.  fighting with my husband

3.  music & television

Those are my current convictions.  I grew up in a family that every other word was a cuss word, and it’s very hard to break that habit.  I do fine until something ticks me off, usually my husband.  That’s where my 2nd one comes in.  My husband & I butt heads CONSTANTLY.  I have a hard time with the husband being the “head of the household” because my Mom was always pretty much the dominant figure in our home.  I can understand why God made this rule, but I also understand that the husband MUST be a GODLY man.  My husband is Saved, but he falls away from God quite often.  He skips church alot, and he is surrounded by negative influences at work.  We fight over power, money, & sex most of the time.  My 3rd conviction has to do with music & media.  I used to listen to some pretty vulgar music, and watch nasty things.  I have improved the most in this category, but I still have a good way to go.  My favorite music is now Gospel!  I rarely watch things that are inappropriate, but I do have to admit I love my soaps, and Desperate Housewives!  My fave soap is One Life To Live, and I’ve been watching it since I was a little girl.  Speaking of that..

I will be 30 in a couple of weeks!  Some of my old friends have asked me if I was going out or anything…they should know better than that since I haven’t been out in a LONG time!  I don’t know what I will do to celebrate, but it is a little bit depressing.  I never wanted to grow older than 20, let alone 30!  I hear the 30′s are a great time for women though, and I am looking forward to it!  Till next time…God Bless.

Add a comment April 6, 2009